


World Peace

by AsWeAreNow



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Gen, Politics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-08
Updated: 2021-01-08
Packaged: 2021-03-12 06:33:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,147
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28631070
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AsWeAreNow/pseuds/AsWeAreNow
Summary: During a World Conference, America shares his plan to achieve world peace with the other nations.
Comments: 1
Kudos: 7





	World Peace

**Author's Note:**

> First appeared 22 August, 2020, on FFN. Crossposted from my account of the same name.

It was another World Conference and things weren't going as well as they ought to. There were two things to discuss today. There were always two things to discuss. It had been that way for a long time.

The first was World Peace, because World Conferences were a joke. America insisted on going first, and as long as he was hegemonic in at least one way- and oh, it would be a while until he wasn't, even once he didn't have the largest economy, because of his military and Hollywood- that was the way it would be.

Usually nations have instincts for self-preservation when it comes to relations. America did not; he had immediate instinct for defending himself physically and all that, but he'd come here today already convinced that self-sabotage was the only way to save the world.

"What's up, dudes! I have the most totally awesome plan for saving the human race!" America paused and looked around expectantly; England waved his hand somewhat impatiently, signaling America to keep going.

America excitedly slammed his hand on the table a few times and then said, "I'm gonna make all of you hate me, and then you won't want to fight each other anymore 'cause you'll be so focused on me! I'm going to save the day, my dudes! For the entire human race!"

England raised his hand. Before America could actually call on him he proclaimed, "That's a bad idea, America."

"Why is it a bad idea?"

"How are you supposed to distract us? Do you really think we're all that stupid?"

"Yes," America said.

"How are you supposed to help us accomplish world peace when you're not going to do anything to stop going to war yourself?"

"Simple. I'll crush all opposition, and then there's no war and we could start rebuilding! Like my best pal, Japan, or like that one asshole, the Confederacy!"

"That's a nice idea, except you can't crush all opposition." America was about to argue when England hastily added, "It's not for a lack of trying. It's just that you can't seem to do it these days. You don't win your wars or your conflicts anymore, and while technically you don't lose them, you're certainly not crushing the opposition. I swear, it's almost like you don't even go out of your way to prove that you can rely on something other than nuclear weapons to defend yourself. Don't you remember when that was a big point in your politics?"

Japan spoke up once England had finished. "I don't think that's a good idea either, America," he murmured.

America's jaw dropped. "What? Japan, you always agree with me!"

"Well, you need to think about yourself a bit."

"If I focus on myself I'll get really weak and die," America countered.

"-You're a very influential country. We can't have World Peace and just leave you behind," Japan continued.

"But no one would want to fight me! As long as not everyone is pissed off at the same time, the hell are you guys gonna do? Spit on me? You'd all need to gang up on me, or at least a few of you would, and then we would all die."

"So you shouldn't do that," Japan reasoned. "Besides, what are you going to do once everyone hates you?"

"Die."

"That's not a good idea. Next up is France. What are your ideas?" Germany intervened.

"We get all our world leaders together so they can have a massive orgy." That sent a collective shudder through the nations even though France suggested this pretty much every time.

"No," Germany said, hardly bothering to be disturbed. "Okay, Russia, it's your turn."

"I think we should unanimously elect a new world leader. Just one."

"Unanimously?" Germany looked up, eyebrows raised. Russia caught the attention of all the nations, but a few began to whistle or twiddle their thumbs or converse with each other.

...

After a few back-and-forths, they moved on to the next topic: global warming. China and Japan had been politely (read: passive-agressively) disagreeing about a number of things, not just world peace, and of course France and England were fighting as they usually did. Most nations were able to remain civil, but for all the relative peace around the two pairs, no one could really stop them.

It was time for America to act on his plan.

America stood up to go first again. He cleared his throat until most eyes were on him and then took a deep breath and exclaimed, as confidently as he could, "Global warming totally doesn't exist, yo!"

China stopped whispering to Japan; he said nothing about global warming, but he looked at America like he was the biggest dumbass on the planet. He probably was.

France got one last half-hearted punch in at England and laughed. "Hah! Canada would never say something like that!"

"Maybe if you hadn't helped him get independence he would've turned out better," England replied, but he seemed to direct his comment at Spain.

"Whaddaya mean, better? I'm already great. And free," America said. He went back to saving the world. "Anyway, as I was saying, dudes- global warming isn't real! It's cold outside right now, isn't it? Global warming is a hoax, bros. Fake news. _Hella_ fake news."

Everyone sat, somewhat stunned. Someone murmured, "See, I knew we shouldn't have let him rejoin all those organizations once he pulled out the first time!" and there were a few murmurs of agreement to that, as well as a "Well, what were we supposed to do? He’s still important.”

After a solid five minutes of hushed conversation and quiet, Germany stood up. "I suppose it's my turn to present. My chancellor says-,"

America raised his hand once he noticed that Japan and China still seemed somewhat annoyed with each other. Just for good measure, he told himself.

Germany looked up briefly and then looked back at his papers, ignoring America. America promptly waved his hand around erratically, almost hitting the people next to him, in an attempt to get Germany's attention. Finally Germany sighed and said, "What is it, America?"

"What's a chancellor?" America asked.

Germany's expression did not change, and yet somehow he still seemed very annoyed. Germany still responded, rather patiently, "Do you want me to explain it to you, or do you want a general idea?"

"A general idea."

"Okay. In my country the chancellor is, essentially, a prime minister. We just don't call her that."

America didn't say anything in response, and Germany took that to mean that he was satisfied. He continued, "Anyway, my chancellor says that we should come up with a solution, or at least an agreement, as soon as- Yes, America?"

"What's a prime minister?"

And so the World Conference dragged on and on, but in the end everyone left annoyed at America rather than squabbling with each other.

**Author's Note:**

> A comment would be hella lit my dudes. Have a great day and stay safe.


End file.
